You bitch about annoying commercials in your den. I do it online. I'm lucky enough to watch TV for a living, which means I often have to watch it live. I don't get to FF over the commercials. There is snark ahead. You've been warned.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

You can't have sex in dual bathtubs...

I'm going to have to bleach my brain because I can't unhear the joke my dad just made. We were chatting about the new blog and he asked me to tackle the dual bathtubs in the Cialis commercials. He told me he recently joked about them with his friends, saying, "I had one of those four hour...." I'm sorry, but you're going to have to finish that or I'll need therapy..."...but it took me way longer than that to get those two bathtubs out to the yard so it was a waste."

Ahem. Anyway, I'm still trying to figure those things out. No matter how hard...sorry...I try, I can't for the life of me come up with a scenario in which that would be sexy. Also, where do they get the water? Do they have to heat it up on the stove? That would be a pain. I mean, it would have to be warm water, right? Cold water would just defeat the purpose wouldn't it? I watched Seinfeld. I know all about shrinkage.

Now, I'm not a guy, but I would think these things are pretty uncomfortable to discuss with your buddies. Girls will talk about anything without squirming. But I think it's pretty unlikely that you'd hear this conversation happening very often:

Guy 1: "Dude, did you see that pass? Best game ever!"

Guy 2: "Yeah, so, I've got a floppy noodle in my pants. Trying to decide what to do."

Guy 1: "Have you considered dual bathtubs...?"

Yeah, men will talk about farting and pooping all day long, but this is one subject they rarely bond over. So why, oh why would they form a band and sing, "Viva Viagra?" My god, how could any self respecting better half ever sleep with them again after that performance? Just re-watch the video below and tell me if you're not ready to shoot yourself in the head after the first line.

My brain just cannot process this. Can't. Process. "This lonesome toad..." Look, I think it's great that guys have an option and this is out in the open, and even Bob Dole takes them and all. I don't particularly have a problem with kids seeing them because we're far too puritanical about sex as it is. (Oh, go ahead and yell at me. The closest thing I have to a kid is a dog. I can't judge.) I just think you could make a less embarrassingly obnoxious commercial. Remember good ole "Smiling Bob?" Sure, Enzyte might not be around anymore, but their ad campaign was hysterical.

I'd love to hear your opinions on the worst erectile dysfunction commercial. Post a clip if you want. And guys, at least they're not as bad as tampon commercials with the dancing chicks in white jeans.


  1. I've wondered about the dual bathtubs too. No plausible explanation.

  2. The Enzyte campaign was hilarious and cheeky. The Cialis has gone from WTFOMGSHUTUPANDSTOPINSULTINGMYBRAINANDLIBIDO to Dali-esque morphing landscapes that are WORSE. I cannot, for the LIFE of me, understand the point of the bathtubs. It breaks my brain. Is this a poorly-conceived notion of what appeals to women, to get them to make their partners go BUY this stuff? Just - NO.

  3. So weird, isn't it? I consider myself to be a pretty open minded person, but I have never in my life thought, "You know what would be really hot? Outside separate tubs." Ridiculous!

  4. Re: The Separate But Equal Outdoor Tubs.. I think that with the use of some rubber tubing, a small sump pump, and a highly unlikely, but possible earthquake you could make this work ... as a comedy skit.