You bitch about annoying commercials in your den. I do it online. I'm lucky enough to watch TV for a living, which means I often have to watch it live. I don't get to FF over the commercials. There is snark ahead. You've been warned.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

I do not want to eat talking food. It's just creepy.

I'm going to start by telling you that I've been a vegetarian for over 20 years. I never liked meat to begin with and when I found out the cute little chick I was petting was going to end up on someone's plate, that sealed the deal. My parents don't remember this, but they told me the chicken they made me eat as a kid died of old age or was hit by a car. Yes, they told me I was eating road kill. It's pretty damn funny if you think about it. By the way, I don't care if you eat meat or not. I don't care if you do it in front of me. I'm not judging. I just thought I'd explain where this "talking food" issue came from. (I did a veggie post a while back if you want to check it out.)


This is the ad campaign that pushed me over the edge. First of all, there is something incredibly creepy about talking food. "We'll help you stay full and focused." So, wait...do you scream when I bite you? Are you suicidal cereal? Are you sacrificing yourself for the higher cause of making sure I don't fall asleep during a staff meeting? You have little frosted children for fuck's sake! Do you not care about them? Oh no, that's right. I watched you instruct your kid in what to do in the afterlife/my stomach. And what happens after I digest you? I'm sure your weird self-sacrificing cereal cult didn't tell you about that part.

Alright, I admit that reading into this is a failing on my part. But those stupid Frosted Mini Wheats commercials are to blame. At least the M&M's spots address how weird the whole thing is. (Though the pretzel getting upset about being forced inside the orange M&M is a whole new level of weird.)


Is anyone else freaked out by this? I mean, this is weird, right? I can't be the only one who bitches every time I see the hot tub commercial. Seriously, the talking cereal pieces (one of whom has a Brooklyn accent) is sitting around a hot bowl of milk, talking to the kid who is about to eat them and discussing the safety of the tub temperature. They wrap towels around themselves and let each other know if their "eight layers" are sticking out. How embarrassing! I would want someone to tell me if my eight layers were showing. Wait...

Do you see where I'm going with this? It's not just a one time thing. We are now following these little frosted fiber bits. We've seen them in school. We've been embarrassed for the strawberry-flavored one when he gets mistaken for a girl because of his pink frosting. We've been inside their homes and learned that they have a little frosted doggie and slippers and a couch. I don't want to eat you, Frosted Mini Wheats family! I want to adopt you! Save the cereal!

Ahem. Go ahead and post your picks for creepiest talking food commercials in the comments. I need to know I'm not the only crazy person out there.

5 comments:

  1. How about the fact that the orange m&m is a cannibal?
    http://youtu.be/uDdGA2mv4o0

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi My name is 'CHERRY SHANE' just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my husband back and saved my marriage... I was married for 7 years with 2 kids we lived happily until things started getting ugly, a point where he filed for divorce... I tried my best to make her change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him so much didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out... he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and cast a return back spell on him... Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... You can email him via eromosalespelltemple@gmail.com website http://eromosalspiritualtemple.webs.com or call him with +2348161850195..

      Delete
  2. The Old Navy Ankle Show.... PUKE!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1uoQE2k4Tg

    ReplyDelete
  3. The first commercial that pops into my head is the cinnamon apple jacks cereal one. I like them because they taste good, but I never pay much attention when the commercials came on. I found a really creepy commercial about a hotdog that was an entry for the Pretzel Dog Challenge in September 2008. This is also the long version of it and is difficult to get through. The woman hotdog looks just like the man hotdog, and they're talking to a little girl? It's really strange.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4XRCgrrLE4&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi My name is 'CHERRY SHANE' just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my husband back and saved my marriage... I was married for 7 years with 2 kids we lived happily until things started getting ugly, a point where he filed for divorce... I tried my best to make her change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him so much didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out... he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and cast a return back spell on him... Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... You can email him via eromosalespelltemple@gmail.com website http://eromosalspiritualtemple.webs.com or call him with +2348161850195..

    ReplyDelete